The serious dating guide by Sirius Orion Black
by Tryingtobesirius
Summary: What would happen if Sirius took on a apprentice, a clueless girl, who he thinks is a guy? Teaching her the ways of Sirius Orion Black won't be easy. Lots of problems will occur: Romance? James Gay? Ashley isn't fond of the idea but when girls starts throwing panties at you & kissing you even Ashley knows she's gotten too deep into the mess to get out!


_Authors note : So this is the first chapter of "The serious dating guide by Sirius Orion Black"! We're two people writing this. Partly Sarah and partly Agnes! We've worked really hard on this chapter. So this story is about our OC, Ash. We really hope you'll like it. She's not a Mary sue or a annoying girl (we hope and pray). This chapter is like our pilot, we're only trying to see what people like about and what people might dislike about it so we can fix these things, so we won't be posting any chapters for a few weeks but during this time, we'll have our hands full writing chapters for you! Now enjoy!_

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CHAPTER 1: Rule one – Be sure of your sexuality?

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Truth be told I'm a quite normal Hogwarts student, I'm not really special in any way and people don't pay attention to me, it's just like I want it to be. People can walk past me or bump into me without even noticing I'm there, it might have something to do with my size, since I'm really short. I do my homework properly (since I am a Ravenclaw) & I don't cause trouble, like certain Gryffindor boys do but even I have my secrets. I'm.. I'm a girl. You might think that's normal and it is but when the whole school and even your own father thinks you're a male… It's quite bad.

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"GUYS WE'RE GOING TO CRUSH THEM!" I heard James Potter yell out from the other side of thin wall.

I sighed once again as it had been going on for minutes and the pain in my head was only growing stronger. Potter was sure a loud one. I could see why Evans wasn't really fond of him and even though he was all sweet around Lily he was a dictator on the quiddich field. I must admit I was glad I wasn't playing for Gryffindor, I would never make it through those 8 hours of training that I'd heard rumors about. Suddenly I could feel a hand upon my shoulder. I turned my head to see my team mate smiling nervously. "Let's go, good luck out there mate."

I smiled back at him without saying anything and got up from my seat. I tightened the grip around my broom and bit my lower lip. I had not felt this nervous for weeks, it was the first match of the season and we were playing against Gryffindor. The adrenaline was rushing through out my veins. I gently put my legs over the broom, more like a lady than anyone else in the room but of course no one took any notice to this. As everyone seemed ready the captain glanced at us over his shoulder. He smiled at us and we all knew that was the signal, it was time.

I could feel the wind blowing through my short hair as I was flying above the field. The crowd was loud due to it being the first game of the season but I knew it would get worse any second now… "3…2…1" I mumbled under the wind and then it happened. The crowd went berserk as _they_ came flying out, especially the girls I noticed. They were of course very fond of Sirius Orion Black. He was smiling charmingly as he flew on his broom but I couldn't help noticing the mocking smirk he threw at me as he flew by. It was basically the kind of smirk saying "Jealous, Hunter?". I tried ignoring him but he had truly gotten on my nerves and I knew, very well, that this would affect me in the game, not being sure if it was positive or negative.

For me the game passed by pretty quickly and we were in the lead by 90 to 70. Of course, that was not going to last. The pain in my head had nearly taken over by now so I waved my hand gently at the captain. I knew I would only be an obstacle for my team mates if I stayed out on the field. I was glad the captain noticed me as it didn't happen very often. He nodded and I flew down on the ground and landed. I could hear the commentator saying something about me but I didn't pay attention. Suddenly I heard someone, or rather a group of people calling at me, telling me to watch out but it was too late by then. Between my legs I could feel an itching pain but it wasn't that bad.

Then I realized I'd got hit by a bludger, ritght between the legs. It took a second for me to understand why the crowd went like "Ouch.." "Poor guy.." "I feel for him.." "Ohhh.. that gotta hurt." And so on but as I realized I should've been lying on the ground, screaming in pain so I put my hands on my crotch and yelled in a tone that would express pure pain.

"FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN!" I screamed and fell to the ground. I had to keep myself from laughing but it wasn't easy. I looked around me and noticed the one and only, Sirius Black, running towards me and even though he looked like he sympathized me he still had _that_ smirk. He bent down and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry mate, so sorry! My hand "slipped"." I grunted from annoyance but it probably sounded like I was in pain.

"Sure you are.." I sat up and looked at him, he didn't look very sorry. I waved my hand, signaling him to go away. "I'm fine." Not very long after I said those simple but very cold words, Poppy showed up.

"Dear, let's get you to the hospital wing." She didn't give me a chance protest against her and I simply nodded, this was my chance to get away from Black, the game and the crowd.

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I was sitting on the side of the hospital bed, looking at the still smirking Sirius who'd followed me to the hospital wing.

"Are you serious, how much longer are you going to sit here doing nothing but staring?" I spit out in anger. "Why can't you just leave me alone, Black?" His smirk grew larger.

"Well firstly Hunter, I'm always Sirius and secondly, I find you interesting." I threw a odd look at him as the first thought that rushed through my head was 'What if he's homosexual?' I sat there quiet for a second before my lips could no longer hold the words.

"Are you gay, Black? 'Cause I'm not." I said and smiled teasingly. He didn't react at first but then the words started to sink in. His eyes grew wider and his chin fell down. "

W-what?!" He stumbled upon his words.

"So your not denying it then, Black? What will all your poor fangirls say?" I just couldn't get enough of teasing him, it was so much fun but even if I was quite rude I can't say I didn't enjoy talking to someone except my father.

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After plenty of attempts of forcing him to leave Poppy finally managed to make Sirius leave and I was able to get my rest. The next morning I woke up to bad news, Gryffindor had won the qudditch match. The seeker had been able to catch the snitch after Sirius and I left the field, Potter must have been very pleased. I asked Poppy for permission to leave and only barely got her permission. She would've preferred to have me staying there for another day but I insisted.

As I walked into the grand hall after changing my clothes I spotted a group of my Ravenclaw mates, I started walking at a free seat next to Kathrine but before I was able to sit down I heard the ever so familiar voice.

"HUNTER! There you are, finally up walking again eh?" I froze in my step.

"Sirius Black, what do you want?" I said and turned my head just enough to see him. And yes of course, he was still smirking but something , just a little something that I couldn't put my finger on made it different from the previous smirks he'd given me. This one was kind of friendly and warm and somewhat charming.

He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the table that was filled with Gryffindor folks. Potter, Remus, Lily and so on. He sat down and dragged me down with him, forcing me to sit down. As Lily noticed me she grinned.

"Is this your boyfriend, Sirius?" Sirius breathing got heavy and his voice got all high and squeaky.

"I'm not gay! What's up with people and thinking I'm gay?! For the love of Merlin's beard, doesn't James seem slightly more gay than me?!" He said.

"Hey!" James said with a mouth full of food. The people at the table starting laughing and even I couldn't keep myself from laughing with them.

That morning I sat with the Gryffindors during breakfast, actually enjoying myself. I got to know Sirius's fun side which wasn't as bad as I though it'd be. Potter was surprisingly OK but all over Lily, which I now think was quite adorable. The poor guy was so clueless. Remus on the other side didn't speak very much, he was too in to his book but I noticed him smirking behind the cover, which I found odd as he didn't time the smirks with any jokes, they just popped up randomly, like he knew something. I ignored it after the first few times.

As the first lesson was about to begin, which was The history of magic, I wandered of to get my books. I wasn't very excited about the lesson but I tried to think on the positive side, I saw it as yet another hour of sleep. And as if The history of magic couldn't get any more boring we had Binns as our teacher. I made my way the classroom and sat down and as the room got filled with people I gently laid my head on the history book and quickly fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of moving chairs. I gently itched my head and looked around, no one had seemed to pay attention to me. I smiled and grabbed my book as I got up. I took out the scheme in my left pocket and looked at the dirty piece of paper. My next lesson would be Care of Magical Creatures with Mr. Gold. A man that was about 40 years old

And was short, even shorter than me. He reminded me of a mutated hamster, it was very scary but you got used to it eventually. I remembered that I always had 's lessons with Gryffindor and for some reason I smiled slightly at the thought. I never understood why Hogwarts didn't have any lockers that we could put our books in, like the muggles do. I had to walk to the Ravenclaw boys dormitory, maybe I'm just lazy but it was such a pain.

Now you might wonder what the hell I am doing in the boys dormitory and to be honest I'm not fully sure myself. It all started when my father refused my invitation to Hogwarts but later changed his mind. He personally talked to the headmaster Dumbledore, of course he told him I was of the male gender so now I'm stuck with it. I don't really mind but sometimes it can become quite troublesome. Some examples of this are:

1. When I want to shower.

2. When I want to change my clothes.

3. When the boys just "happen" to flash. It can be quite.. umh… uncomfortable.

And that's just the start of it. So anyways back to the story. After lots and lots of walking I finally reached Hagrid's cabin where the rest of the class was waiting. Mr. Gold had just started his speech and I was just in time to hear him say: "Today we're going to learn about Unicorns." I could hear people mutter from disappointment. "Again?" Someone asked out of the crowd. "Yes again and that's why Hagrid is going to help us."

The mood suddenly went up and everyone started cheering and clapping. I on the other hand only smiled slightly. I didn't understand all the fuzz about this Hagrid character. Everyone seemed to like him, I'd never gotten a chance to talk to him.

"Now everyone, we're going to pair you up. Two and two. You're going to take a note from this bag and they'll be your partner for the rest of this year, so better cross your fingers." He reached out a red bag and half of the group got to reach their hands into the bag and took a note each. All over I heard sighs and at some ways "Yes!", I hoped I'd get someone that wasn't totally useless. Gold approached me and asked me to take a note. I put my hand in the soft bag and quickly without thinking took the first note my fingers came in contact with. I took out the note and read it out loud.

"Lily Evans." Lily turned her head at me, smiling. She waved but didn't leave her group of friends.

"Hunter!" I turned my head and saw Potter running at me. He looked quite desperate. "Please switch with me!" He took out his note and showed it to me. I read it, Sirius Black it said.

"Prongs! I'm wounded..-" He said and put a hand on his chest. " Why wouldn't you want to be with me?" Sirius yelled out as he approached us. He was fake crying and being such a drama queen. Potter turned his head.

"Shut up, Padfoot!" Potter looked at me."Please! Let me be with Evans!" Potter said and almost went down on his knees begging. I raised an eyebrow and threw an odd look at him.

"Umh.. No thank you. Sorry, Potter." I quickly turned my heel and ran over to Lily. I could hear Potter's yelling "Nooo!" As I ran. I giggled slightly.

"Sorry about Potter." Lily said and smiled at me. I shook my head.

"It's alright." Mr. Gold asked us to sit down on grass and so we did. I wasn't too disappointed with my partner, Lily was actually smart. I could totally see her in Ravenclaw. That lesson when on quite smoothly. We got to hear the same old speech about unicorns. I hadn't noticed that Hagrid had gone missing before he made his dramatic return out of the forest. He was gently clapping the neck of the animal that looked so tiny standing by Hagrid. It was a unicorn, so pure white that it looked like a star upon the night sky. I noticed I wasn't the only one staring, everyone was looking at Hagrid and the unicorn.

"Oh that's stunning, Hagrid! I've never seen anyone catch one before!" Mr. Gold spoke in amazement. Hagrid was about to speak but Lily caught my attention as she whispered: " Is that not the most beautiful creature you've ever seen?" She didn't seem to direct the question at anyone. Suddenly out of the blue, I saw a figure leaning in over her shoulder. I could only see the back of the head but the black messy hair was a dead give away, Potter.

"But not as beautiful as you, Evans!" He said.

The sound of a slap echoed through my ears."GET AWAY FROM ME, POTTER." Lily shouted. Heads turned and Lily blushed with an angry look on her face. James moved his head and put a gentle hand on his cheek, rubbing it. He walked over to the two guys sitting a few meters away, laughing. His best friends: Sirius and Remus. As he got closer the laughter faded. They started a conversation, trying to keep the laughter within.

"Oh Prongs, love is pain and you'll learn from your mistakes." Sirius said.

"That sounds like a really cheesy line from a love novel.. You know the ones that never have the happy ending." Remus mumbled with his covered in the book. "Ouch!" Remus spit out as Sirius but his elbow in Remus' side.

"Prongs don't mind him! There are no love novels without an happy ending!" Sirius said and clapped James on the shoulder. Remus lifted his face from the book.

"Have you ever even read a book, Padfoot? Oh wait, that's not porn or anything sexually related?" Sirius gave Remus a offended look.

"Ptfff! I've read plenty of books. I just chose not to remember anything about them.. Who ever reads books now adays anyways?! How unsocial can people possibly get?" Sirius said not quite thinking of the words. Remus almost dropped the book.

"E-excuse me!" He said.

"Yeah yeah Moony, no one expects you to get laid anyways." Sirius said laughing at his own joke.

Remus didn't appreciate the joke and got up from the grass mumbling something about them dogs being the worst creatures living on the whole wide world. Remus approached me and Lily, which surprised me.

"Can I sit down with you for a moment?" He said and sat down before Lily or I had gotten the chance to say anything.

"Sure.." I said.

"Thanks." He said and stuck his face right back into the book he'd previously been reading. For the rest of the lesson Remus hold us company, not being very eager to return to his seat on the side of Sirius and the now very depressed James.

END OF CHAPTER 1

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_So we hope you liked it! So yeah.. Review and tell us what you think about it. Awkward Silence.. Sarah & Agnes out!_


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